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I wish I was Harry Potter and could just apparate! :)

A high school friend's sister passed away recently. I don't know the details. I found this out last night when I saw a Facebook post from him saying that he is in Massachusetts for his sister's funeral.

That and a few other things (my sister's graduation party tomorrow, Father's Day, and a college friend planning a road trip up to Mass) are almost making me want to see if I can get on a flight to Boston today. The main things deterring me are generally not really wanting to travel and the ecological damage done by flying. If I'm going to fly, then I feel like I should have very good reasons, and, although I have several reasons for wanting to be there, I'm not sure they rise to the level of justifying a flight.

I'm realizing that Massachusetts still feels like home base in a sense. My family is there, and it is where I met most of my friends even though they don't all live there anymore. Plus the GNOME summit is there every year, and it is in closer proximity to Europe (I've been asked to fly to Europe three times in the past three years). Being here sometimes feels like not being there for others, both in the metaphorical and the literal sense. And I wonder if being here because I want to be here is just perpetuating the mentality that people should do what they want regardless of the consequences. I've tried living there in my present situation (with the option of being here dangling over me), and I was just perpetually searching for a way to rationalize coming here again. If I lived there, then I'm not sure I'd be as motivated to, say, pay attention to local politics, or even consider a living arrangement that would keep me in place long term.

At one point I'd flirted with the idea of moving to the Raleigh/Durham area rather than coming back to Austin. If I'd done that, then I probably would go ahead and go to Massachusetts this weekend, since it would be much closer.

I need to try to balance considering my own needs/wants, considering the needs/wants of those around me, and behaving in a way that helps to create a culture that is aware of and respects the ecosystem on which we all depend. I'm not sure I'm doing that appropriately, but then I'm not sure that it helps to continuously second-guess my decision about where to live, either.

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July 2014

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